Swear to Howdy by Wendelin Van Draanen

Author:Wendelin Van Draanen [Draanen, Wendelin Van]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-54785-9
Publisher: Random House Children's Books
Published: 2003-08-31T04:00:00+00:00

8

TANK GOES TO SCHOOL

Joey decided he had the perfect place for Tank—Amanda Jane's underwear drawer.

I found out about it when I stopped by to pick him up for school the next morning. “You tryin' to get yourself killed?” I whispered when he told me.

He shrugged. “Dad ain't here. And Mama's already left with Rhonda. It's just me and Amanda Jane.” He eyed me. “And, of course, you.”

“I want no part in this, Joey.”

“Don't be a wuss, Rusty. Look. I'll just say he got away. Whose fault is that?”

“Yours!”

“If you'd heard Amanda Jane last night, you'd be all for this.”

“Why? What'd she say last night?”

“She was so snotty you wouldn't believe it. Even Dad had something to say about it.”

“That bad?”

“Uh-huh.” He grinned. “Dad thought Tank was pretty cool, by the way.”

“He said so?”

“Uh-huh. Even Mama said I could keep him a couple days.” He laughed. “And Rhonda wanted a froggie ride.”

I laughed along with him, picturing Rhonda boinging around on Tank.

“But Amanda Jane? When I went down to her room to show her, she told me he was a slime-faced, turd-shaped pile of warts, and slammed the door on my foot.” He stuck his toes in my face. “Hurt like hell.”

“Ouch,” I said, 'cause the second toe was scraped raw, and the nail was black and blue. “Looks like a crappie got it.”

He took his foot back with a scowl. “Very funny, Rusty-boy”

“So when'd you put Tank in her dresser?”

“Five minutes ago. When she was in the john.”

He dragged me into his room and put his ear to the wall. “What's she doin in there?”

“Probably just messin' with makeup. That's what Sissy spends all morning doin'. That and fixin' her hair.”

“How can you paint your face over three times and not change your underwear?” He plopped on the bed with a frown. “And I can't go to school without him.”

“You're takin' Tank to school?”

“Not for pranks. Just to show off.”

I started to tell him I thought that was a real bad idea, only first off, I knew he'd just call me a wuss again, and second off, right then the roof about shot off the house from Amanda Jane screaming, “Eeeeeeeeeee! Aaaaahhhh!”

“Ha-ha!” Joey cried, jumping up and down for joy. “Ha-ha!”

“Eeeeeeeeeeeeek” came Amanda Jane's shriek through the wall. “Joey Banks, I hate you! I hate your guts, you hear me?”

Joey charged out of the room, crying, “You found him? Amanda Jane? Did you find Tank?”

I snuck along behind Joey and peeked into Amanda Jane's room. Tank was bouncing around all over the place. On the bed, off the bed. On the dresser, off the dresser. Joey was pouncing all around, trying to trap him.

“Where'd you find him?” he was saying. “I've been lookin' for him all mornin'!”

“You think I'm stupid? You think I don't know you planted that monster in my drawer? Wait 'til I tell Daddy! Wait 'til I—”

Tank jumped and landed on her head and stayed there, wrapping his squooshy green legs around her skull.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!” she wailed, and when Tank shot off her he left squishy green poop running down the back of her hair.

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